Players

D · Columbus Blue Jackets

A hundred and seven NHL games and not a single goal in any of them.

D · Calgary Flames

Undrafted, a Stanley Cup, twenty minutes a night, and no offence whatsoever.

C · Nashville Predators

A first-round pick, forty-five career games, and one goal.

D · Vancouver Canucks

Twenty-one years old, seventy games, and the third percentile.

D · Nashville Predators

Fifteen assists from the third pair, and the best possession share of any Nashville defenceman.

RW · Washington Capitals

Nine hundred and seven games, thirty goals, and a hundred and seventeen penalty minutes.

C · Seattle Kraken

Sixty-eight games, four goals, and the eighth percentile in shot attempts.

G · Calgary Flames

A hundred and sixty-six pounds, taken two hundred and fourteenth, and this club's starting goaltender.

G · Philadelphia Flyers

A 3.34 goals-against average behind the third-best defensive team in the league.

RW · Nashville Predators

Seventeen goals as a rookie at twenty, and the tenth percentile underneath them.

LW · Columbus Blue Jackets

Fifty-three per cent of his shots from inside twenty feet, and eight goals.

D · Vegas Golden Knights

Thirty points, plus seventeen, and no shots at all from inside twenty feet.

RW · Los Angeles Kings

A rookie sixth-round pick with 23 games, no goals, and an entirely open question in front of him.

C · Seattle Kraken

The fourth pick in 2022, and half his shots from inside twenty feet.

D · Montréal Canadiens

An undrafted, six-foot-four enforcer in an era that supposedly does not have them.

RW · Utah Mammoth

Five foot nine, thirteen goals from seventy-seven shots, and the eighty-fifth percentile.

D · Philadelphia Flyers

Twenty-two and a half minutes a night, and the twenty-second percentile in possession.

RW · Minnesota Wild

A first-round Russian who spent his rookie season learning the league and finished it looking like he belonged.

C · Boston Bruins

Also shot better than twenty per cent, and has a better excuse for it than his linemate.

D · Boston Bruins

Six foot seven, two hundred and fifty-five pounds, plus-eighteen, and outplayed the whole way.

C · Calgary Flames

Fifty-three per cent of his shots from inside twenty feet, and twelve goals to show for it.

C · Philadelphia Flyers

Sixty-seven points, and the best on-ice rate among the forwards.

D · Buffalo Sabres

Five foot ten, and the eighty-third percentile in shot attempts on a bad team.

LW · Ottawa Senators

Seventeen goals from thirteen minutes a night.

C · New York Rangers

Thirty-four goals, seventy-eight points, and minus twenty.

D · Ottawa Senators

Undrafted, plus twenty-two, and a median shot from fifty-eight feet.

C · Los Angeles Kings

Five-eight, thirty-nine years old, and still the best passer in most buildings he walks into.

LW · Buffalo Sabres

Thirty-four years old, twenty-four goals, and the second-shortest average shot in the league.